R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
