it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
