We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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