i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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