theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
