Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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