Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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