dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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