What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
