my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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