Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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