I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
