I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
