haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
