I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
