Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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