Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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