i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
