I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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