Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What drink are we having for lunch?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
