Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
