I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
