I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
