I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
