Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
