I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
