i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize