sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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