Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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