Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
