Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
