For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
