hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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