Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize