He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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