I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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