This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
