I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
