i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
