I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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