I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize