i wish there were pregnant emoticons
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
