I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
