Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
