I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
