I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
