It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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