If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize