I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
