I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
