Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
