My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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