She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
