i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
