Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
