At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
