she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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