I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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