I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
