They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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