you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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