Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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