what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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