Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
