you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
