So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Are we still banned from the library?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize