i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
