Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
