Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
