I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
