I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
