Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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