Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
