Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
