that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
