well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
