i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
