I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
