oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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