quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
