Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
