This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
