I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
