matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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