Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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