Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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