I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Soap is not a condiment
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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