I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
