tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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