I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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