What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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