So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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