I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
