And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
