Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
