people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
