If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
