they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
