PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and she was petting her beer can
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
