It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
