I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
