Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
