I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
two words...techno handjob
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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