And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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