Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
