Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There r osticjed everywhere
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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